Despite the very gratifying news that my application for visa extension was granted – I am allowed to stay in California until July 14, 2017 – I have fallen both into a sort of limbo and into a deep hole. This has paralyzed me. So it was a bit quiet and thoughtful inside of Kiki – as well as in Kiki’s blog …
I do not want to publish all of my thoughts and worries here, at least at this time. But I want to give you at least a little insight into my world of thoughts:
Yeiiii, I’m allowed to stay until Juli 14, 2017. Ooops, but afterwards I must leave California and the USA. Bad luck: we have visitors arriving on July 12…
Well, to be allowed to stay until July has pleased me about thirty minutes. But then. What am I doing afterwards? July is coming soon, three months. What am I doing then? One thing is clear: my tourist visa cannot longer be extended easily – I must leave the country! Well, we just could go on vacations to Mexico. Mexico isn’t that far and would be nice to see.
“Huuuu…” says the immigration lawyer and frowns. “Mexico may be a little difficult…there may be difficulties with the entry at the border.”
Ermm, I think. Maybe then Canada? I always wanted to go there. Although a bit further and more expensive than Mexico, but also nice.
“Huuu …” again the lawyer. “So Canada is certainly better than Mexico, but it’s not for sure that you can just go back to the US again and stay for another six months.”
The granting of entry into the US from Canada is more likely than from Mexico. But not sure. Better, but also not sure, it is to go back to Austria for a few months and then try again. But to travel to the USA on a tourist visa several times in a short time is difficult or maybe even impossible.
That’s how it is: the US paniks that someone, me for example, would like to stay forever. Therefore, every visa application must be precisely justified and documented WHY and for HOW LONG one wants to be in the USA. For Matthias ists quite simple: he has a J1 visa from the university which is valid as long as his employment as a postdoc. But I am here on a tourist visa. This means “on vacation”.
Now the USA is asking panicky: “How, the heck, can you go on holiday for such a long time? Don’t you have a job in Austria? An apartement? Family? And if the answer is no, does that mean you do not want to go back there? Does that mean you want ……. you want to stay HERE?!?!?!? FOREVER?!?!?!? ”
Kiki, anything you say can and will be used against you!
My immigration attorney says that exactly this problem will be discussed at the border. In the worst case, I am deported after this conversation. Indeed! I would be seated into a plane back to Austria and not allowed to re-enter the USA for a long time. The worst case is probably unlikely but possible.
In the best case, it is likely that this will happen: at the border in Canada to the USA, I will most likely be put into an interrogation room and quite unpleasantly interrogated for a few hours. If I sound convincingly and carry enough evidence documents with me, I would probably be given back to the US. However, perhaps not for six months, but only for a few weeks. Alone the border officer can make this decision. And the decision will depend on what kind of mood he will be: deportation or re-entry.
The good-humored official decides: Kiki is allowed to stay for another six months. The bad tempered official decides: Kiki is allowed to re-entry. But only for three weeks! And the sullen, mischievous official decides: Kiki is deported.
But this, dear Kiki, you will only learn at the border.
Ermmm, I think. And then? I cannot make any plans, that’s for sure. And in September my parents wanted to visit me here. I haven’t seen them since last Easter so I was very much looking forward. But as I just do not know if I will still be here in September … sigh … dear parents, please do not buy a flight ticket.
I also can not exchange with the other partners of other postdocs – because they are married and therefore have a J2 visa. And with it, right of residence and work permit.
And while I’m thinking about how my life is going on from July onwards (I could just go home to Austria because there I have the right of residence and work permit), I stumble into a hole on the sidewalk and – contuse and bruise my hand. So heavily that I can only put my hand lovingly on a pillow, but can not use it for doing something usefull. What reminds me of that I still do not have my insurance polices though effected already in December …
Then I decided to be a little sick. So I had good time to think a lot. About above-mentioned and more.
And now it is time to accept all my worries, fears and self-doubt. To put all of them lovingly on a cloud. You may now move on. As they do not help me. They only cause many sleepless nights and depressed days.
So I inhale trust – and exhale despair.
Inhale love – and exhale misery.
Inhale energy – and exhale destruction.
Inhale strenght – and exhale despondency.
And like the Californian poppy, Californias state flower, survival artist, whose seeds can survive for years in the dried-up soils, I also want to grow, even on a rocky road…
By the way, insight of the day: the biggest stone on my way? That’s me. It’s not always easy to be yourself…
